QUALITY Guideline

The following rules are applicable to media in general, but has a prominent effect in the animu industry. A typical show can meet much success if it applies the statements below:

  1. Give the audience what they want. Audience want tits, you nuke a few layers of cloth off; audience want blood, you make sure to carry spare blood transfusion packs; audience want blondes, you draw Schneizel.
  2. Old men are cool. With age comes wisdom, but in the world of animu, knowledge is just one of the many fabulous qualities to those that weathered the passing of time.
  3. Visual quality control. Because eye cancer hurts.
  4. Less QQ more PP. Children nowadays have 9001% more chance of growing up with ADD, so the best way to keep their fingers off the remote is to fill the monitor with rainbows, glitters, and everything fabulous sparkling in every direction.
  5. When in doubt, introduce a new character. Cover up those rotting plot holes and dying characters with fresh new supporting characters.
  6. Tears do wonders. Carrying a bottle of fake tears has always been an effective acting technique to bring out emotions.
  7. Anyone can be redeemed with tear-jerking history. No matter how much of an asshat Lelouch is, the sufferings of his childhood will always strike a string in the audiences’ heart and evoke forgiveness. Also effective in shows with villans that are created simply for their 69 seconds of fame, before being blown off the face of the monitor in the name of convenient plot device/character growth.
  8. Harems are powerful. My political stance says no, but my wet dreams say yes.
  9. Parodies and references go a long way. [insert witty animu reference here]
  10. Reality sucks. If I wanted to see life-like examples, I would take a reality check down in parlement hills. More PP now please.
  11. Multi-linguistic cast is a must. Even if you got to fake it, speaking moon words will give you a free pass to be with the cool kids.
  12. Schneizel. FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP.
  13. Troll unexpectedly. If Sunrise can do it, you can too! (by BK, edited by me)
  14. Roses and sparkles are invaluable background effects. I would argue otherwise tha- uuu~ shiny~
  15. Death of the main character is a quality indicator of QUALITY. Too sick of happy shounen endings. (by Kevin, edited by me)
  16. Last episode is a good time to die. The show is going to end anyway, might as well burn out fabulously while we are at it.
  17. Nothing is ever too awesome. There is only a fine line between ridiculous and fabulous. Just look at Schneizel.
  18. Setting: Japan. Everybody knows Schneizel Tokyo is the center of the universe.
  19. Questionable character identity is not a problem. Trap, gender-bender, borderline-gay? No worries, as long as we can fap at it, it’s all good.

List not exhaustive. Feel free to add in a clause under comments, and I might put it into the guideline. And BK stop /care so much about lol-spelling or wtf-grammar, this is not an english paper.

EDIT: I change my mind about feeling free to comment because BK doesn’t get it. In all of my clauses I offer a statement followed by some kind of claim to back it up, effectively or not. Therefore, before you make a suggestion, please go through the quality control process below:

  • a statement followed by some back up claim/remark/analysis (here’s your chance to do some of that critical analysis you claim to possess BK)
  • not a restatement or extension of clauses already added
  • grammar and spelling is not a huge problem as long as it does not impede the meaning
  • I will not put kenpachi in there; Schneizel is ok because he is deliciously blonde and bat-shit insane, but does not actually possess immeasurable qualities (except maybe how delicious he is)

I love to reject shit, but too much shit is not good for my health, so let’s keep the gutter-clogging crap in check k~? Btw if you feel that certain clauses are just extensions and are seperate applications of another, feel free to point that out.

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Responses

  1. 14. If you see or hear any of the combination of the following, just roll over: Kenpachi, Chuck Norris, Bruce Lee, The Angus, Old Man

    15. Troll unexpectedly, minus anything by Sunrise

    16. If ratings are down, do a fanservice episode with lotso tits n asses; most likely will contain an onsen scene or something of the sort

    17. Release shit in Blu-Ray and remaster if needed

    • 14. That does not make a show become successful, as no one gets to ride the success of any of the people mentioned above. Even if they do pull it off, the show would have to end abruptly because it has reached the epiphany and absolute limit and can only go on a downward slope from there on out. Rejected.
      15. Will add.
      16&18. Extensions of 13 and 1. Rejected. EDIT: I just realized 1 and 13 are too similar. Need to edit that. But 16&18 are still rejected.
      17. Will consider… Actually on second thought that’s just an extension of 3. Rejected.

  2. 18. Has one or more of the following in the show: twintails, loli, cosplay, or Kenpachi

  3. Shit crustyroll doesn’t air.

    • Rejected because I love tegami bachi. At least I love the mango, I havn’t watched the animu yet. Pretty fucking baseless because CR does not really have any effect on success of the show as they do not become directly involved in the production. Unless you want to argue for clause 3, in which case I refute by saying that BD can heal the wound.

  4. nice post

    15. if the main character dies it is (usually) worth watching. too sick of shounen and happy endings.

    • Noted.


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