Posted by: panzer magier | November 4, 2009

The Rules and Guidelines to (Shallow) Success

The following rules are applicable to media in general, but has a prominent effect in the animu industry. A typical show can meet much success if it abides the statements below:

  1. Sex sells. Derp.
  2. Old men are cool. With age comes wisdom, but in the world of animu, knowledge is just one of the many fabulous qualities to those that weathered the passing of time.
  3. Visual quality control. Because eye cancer hurts.
  4. Less QQ more PP. Children nowadays have 9001% more chance of growing up with ADD, so the best way to keep their fingers off the remote is to fill the monitor with rainbows and glitters sparkling in every direction.
  5. When in doubt, introduce a new character. Cover up those rotting plot holes and dying characters with fresh new supporting characters.
  6. Tears do wonders. Carrying a bottle of fake tears has always been an effective acting technique to bring out emotions.
  7. Anyone can be redeemed with tear-jerking history. No matter how much of an asshat Lelouch is, the sufferings of his childhood will always strike a string in the audiences’ heart and evoke forgiveness. Also effective in shows with villans that are created simply for their 69 seconds of fame, before being blown off the face of the monitor in the name of convenient plot device/character growth.
  8. Harems are powerful. My political stance says no, but my wet dreams say yes.
  9. Parodies and references go a long way. [insert witty animu reference here]
  10. Reality sucks. If I wanted to see realism, I would take a reality check down in parlement hills. More PP now please.
  11. Multi-lingualistic cast is a must. Even if you got to fake it, speaking moon words will give you a free pass to be with the cool kids.
  12. Schneizel. FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP.
  13. Give the audience what they want. Audience want tits, you nuke a few layers of cloth off; audience want blood, you make sure to carry spare blood transfusion packs; audience want blonds, you draw Schneizel.

List not exhaustive.

update: I decided to promote this post into its own category, rather than have it being just another post, because this list is fun.You can now find this list under [QUALITY guideline] on the tabs. And as such, comment/trackback on this post = closed.

Advertisements

Categories

%d bloggers like this: